Passion = Decision

It's said that true passion is intoxicating, invigorating, soothing and sensuous, mysterious and magical. Wow and to think most people don't have a true passion for anything. They're missing out! It's funny, I didn't find my passion until I was in the 3rd grade. I didn't know singing was a talent, I didn't even know I could sing. I just used to follow my grandma around the house singing along with whatever hymn or Shirley Temple tune she was singing. Most people don't know this but my mom can sing. She prefers not to because she says she sounds like my grandma (she kind of does) but both of them have great voices. When I was a baby my mom used to play me the guitar and sing Simon and Garfunkel songs and this one song about Winnie the Pooh. (It wasn't the Winnie the Pooh theme song, it was an actual song about Winnie the Pooh). And my aunt from Alaska used to sing me "Blueberry Hill" all the time. So I thought singing was something everyone could do. I didn't know I had a talent until my 3rd grade teacher was holding auditions for this play all the 3rd grade classes were doing. I got up in front of my class and sang the short piece of music that they gave me. When I finished everyone was just staring at me. I thought I did something wrong so I quickly sat down, she looked at me and said these exact words, "Where did you learn to sing like that?" I looked her and said "It just comes out like that." She laughed, anyway I still didn't get the part (ha ha not much has changed) but I played the teacher and it was fun. That was the real beginning of my music career I guess. For a long time though I thought basketball was my passion, I was wrong.  I'm not doing much to follow my passion right now, which upsets me, but I have a feeling I'm supposed to wait for something. I stopped trying to argue with these let's call them "hunches", cause usually I find myself at the right place at the right time. 

   I guess what I'm getting at is that you should follow your passion your dream. Maybe it won't come true but it will lead you down the right path to get to where it is your supposed to be. I hate where I am but I'm not arguing because I know there's a reason. There's always a reason, go ahead try to change it but ultimately God will bitch slap you down the path he wants you to follow. 

 Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision it eats at me most days. I just remind myself though that of course I made the right decision, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't. I would be there, my heart, God, would have lead me there. At night when I sit in the dark with my candles I think about what would happen if I drove there, got out of the car and pretended like nothing happened and went on to live my life with him. But I remember that if it was meant to be things would have been easier, that decision would have been a natural one. My heart wasn't in it though when he asked me, and honestly it's still not. So I go on and live this life here, it's where God wants me, and as long as that's true I'll be happy. Sure, my mind will still wonder to that place but I'll take a deep breath maybe shed some tears but I know deep down I did what I was supposed to do. 

So I started with passion and ended with decisions, I guess the moral of this story is. Follow your passion, and it will lead you to make the right decisions. 

I live this life,

 ~Kat