The Way of the Wild Horses

Oh to be free. 

All I want is to disappear. 

Go some place where no one knows my name. 

Be someone else. Someone better. 

Maybe then, I'll finally be worth something to someone. 

Today I took a step backwards and made a phone call. 

I wanted to talk to someone who had a spirit like mine. 

Someone who hated being comfortable. 

Committed. 

Here is what he told me. 

"You, like me, my dear are meant to go the way of the wild horses. Always moving never settling down." 

He made a valid point. 

I started to think about how great it would be just to go, be gone. 

Start fresh, somewhere new, maybe make a new identity.

A place where I didn't have to be me. 

Someone better. 

1.2.3.

Whoa. 

Just whoa. 

Is there a pause button? Can someone please press it? 

It's funny how things tend to hit you all at once.

#1 

I wish he was here. He would know what to say, what to do. 

But he's not here, Luke is not here. 

#2

Forgiveness. 

I can forgive anyone for anything. Except the person I should probably forgive the most. 

My father.

He's done so much to make my life hell. 

He's the reason I hate myself, why I always feel like I'm never good enough for anyone. 

Because I was never good enough for him. 

He's the reason it's so hard for me to trust. 

Even the people who I know I can trust, I still don't. I don't trust anyone. I'm sorry. 

#3

My mind was made up. 

I was done with the bullshit.

I was done missing someone who never realized what they had. 

It looked like you stopped caring, like you were done and had turned your back. 

And just as I was ready to turn and walk away, there you are. 

A hand on my shoulder. 

So now what? Huh?

Are you gonna say anything? 

I already laid my cards on the table it's your turn to deal. 

I gave up on you. 

Give me a reason not to.