I'm working on it.

So I've started reading this book called Thirteen Reasons Why it's about a girl who kills herself and leaves behind 7 tapes, to be passed down between these 13 people, with 13 reasons why she decided to end her life. Each tape has a different story involving a different person and how each person had something to do with the next one that creates this huge web of horrible events that shaped this girl's life and the end of it. The narrator is this guy who doesn't even know why he received the tapes because he didn't do anything to this girl but he decides to listen to the tapes and see why she chose him to be on the list. I don't know why either I haven't gotten that far. But it's just interesting to see how each person lead to the next horrible thing to happen to her. It definitely makes you wonder how you affect people. Are you putting out a positive ripple or are you making someones life hell right now without even knowing it. Maybe you said something horrible about that person, not even to their face but someone else overheard and repeated it. Without even consciencely knowing it, you just affected someones impression of another, which can snowball. Weird right? It just gives you something to think about it.

 As most of you know or realized I've been going through a spell of depression. It has nothing to do with anything that has happened, no one said anything about me it was a mixture of things and I've just started to feel... well... worthless. I don't want to sound insecure but I started to feel like no one needed me. That my job here was done, that everyone around me found there place and had everything they needed to get through. I just wasn't one of those things. Then some other things occurred to me and I just started to feel depressed. I'm working through it though, I'm on the uphill. I just pray for strength, for sight, for me to be able to make through just one more day. So far so good. Music has played a HUGE part though, thank GOD for music. I have a playlist that I've been listening to, I play it at night and I fall asleep to it. It allows me to focus, to remember, to be...

THE playlist:

Like a Woman - Jamie O'Neal 

Here Comes Goodbye - Rascal Flatts 

I Told You So - Carrie Underwood 

Cry - Kelly Clarkson

The Climb - Miley Cyrus 

Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind - Jr. John Gallagher & Lauren Pritchard 

Will I - RENT soundtrack 

Confessions of a Broken Heart - Lindsay Lohan 

Like We Never Loved At All (acoustic) - John Rich 

Don't Wanna Cry - Pete Yorn 

I Will Always Love You - Dolly Parton

( if you listen to this song, it's about leaving someone) 

Goodbye Love - RENT Soundtrack 

Man in the Mirror - Big & Rich 

Sober - Kelly Clarkson 

Free - Gavin DeGraw 

Hometown Glory - ADELE 

More Like Her - Miranda Lambert 

Don't You Dare - Alexz Johnson 

Wild Ponies - Kellie Pickler 

If You Don't Wanna Love Me (I'll find somebody else who will) - Cowboy Troy & Sarah Buxton 

Lost - Anouk 

Life Support - RENT soundtrack 

Once When I Was Little - James Morrison 

What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts 

Eternity - Big & Rich 

I Don't Know if I Should Stay - Alexz Johnson 

Each song has meaning or reminds me of a time that I can reflect on. Somethings I have been avoiding and these songs help me face them and really, truly think about my issues with certain things. Some songs though just help me remember a tough time in my life that I am trying so hard not fall back into. 

Thank You to those of you who have been SO supportive. I promise I'll be 100% soon. Me & God are working through this. 

Philippians 4:13